Suicide

Last night, a year ago, was the night I committed suicide. Luckily I failed. At the time I felt so peaceful, just fading away. It felt so right.

A week ago Conrad Newton, the guy who raped me a year ago, asked me out to drink. The fucking nerve. The fucking nerve, that he though he could drug me and rape me again. I have revenge dreams of cutting off his dick and balls and making him eat them. So violent and so sweet. But, I will never do such a thing. I  don't wish to hurt anyone. And, I am going to try this EMDR thingy monday. Maybe it will help the flashbacks I get about Conrad raping me. The fucker. He ruined my life. I will fix it in time.

I am so lucky to have my love of my life support me. I told him about my suicide attempt a year ago, and he still loves me. He didn't run away. I am so so so lucky.