SO FRUSTRATED

I am thinking of breaking up with Ricky, the one true love of my life... I am so frustrated beyond belief with him now, and I don't know how to communicate my frustration... Here's why I'm frustrated with you, my love, Ricky:

1. You keep photos of you and previous girlfriends kissing on your laptop. I feel like you are still in love with them

2. You don't do small things for me. 

3. You never come visit my place to just come visit. I always invite you and you very rarely come.

4. When I get so lonely I come visit you, it always has to be with your group of friends. It's never you and me alone time. 

5. And WTF?! Why the fuck are you living with your ex-girlfriend?!?!?! FUCK! It makes me so nervous and scared I'll loose you.

6.When I made dates for us, and when you agreed to them, you'd always fucking change them.

7. I feel like all I am to you is a fuck buddy and a cuddle buddy. That's all. Do you really love ME for who I am, or do you love the fucking and the cuddling. 

8. Why do you never come visit me. I always come visit you. 

9. Why don't we ever dance anymore? We used to go dancing all the time. Now you don't want to. I ask you and youre always too busy or too tired. But, WTF, when I'm out of town, you fucking go dancing without me. 

10. Get a goddamn job that makes you happy. Stop fucking being so compliant!! Goddamnit! 

11. You'll fucking live with your ex-girlfriend but you won't fucking live with me?

12. I have some serious issues. I don't think you diserve me. I have felt and still feel sooo love deprived. I yearn for love. I think I need to find a way out of this.

13. We only cuddle and fuck. That's it. I don't feel special at all. Even with your kisses and whatnot. I dont feel special at all.

14. Oh yeah, and you never invite me over to do anything anymore. Thom invited me to climb. You never have. I feel like I'm just in your way and too consuming of your time. I feel like an object. It's god awful. 

That is all folks. Time to decide whether or not we break up... I have no idea. It's our 7 month next week. 

In Love

If you read this, consider yourself lucky. I am telling the world my inner feelings. something that never happens. 

I am in quite the predicament. I just got a job offer in Tulsa for 250k/yr. But I am in love with a man in Boulder who will not move. I am so torn. I need love. I never have had true love. My life has been long and difficult for the past 22 years. 

My love has brought me a breadth of fresh air. I love him with all my heart. I need him. I long for him every day. I want to marry him and be with him for the rest of my life. I want to have a child or two with him and grow a happy loving family. I will be the bread winner. If we have kids, will he be a stay at home dad? If I do that the income will plummet and our life style will be out the door. Ya know I am thinking too much ahead. we aren't even married. when should I talk about such things? I knew the moment I met him I wanted to be with him forever. Does he feel the same? Sometimes I feel like he is dating me just to have someone to love. I dont know if he truely loves me for me. I ask and he says he does but his past patterns say otherwise. He lives with his ex girlfriend. I feel so uncomfortable with it. idk....

What to do? take the 1/4mill/yr and a career or take the love? love is so hard to come by. its the first time ive ever experienced this. I cannot live without.